End on end sat on the dusted seats
Of the train destined for a personal hell.
Not like I expect to converse or be seen,
Just like the thousands before never had been.
If I had to explain myself to an passer-by
It would be like punishing yourself for every smile
Or thinking of reasons why you shouldn’t be alive.
It’s not a natural occurrence but it comes so easy
And I hate to accept it
But it brings me satisfaction to feel unworthy,
Like the person sat here shouldn’t be me.
I know I’m involved because of chance
And I don’t deserve that.
Because I’m branded a hypocrite
By the words I hear my mother spit as she tells me
The things that tear my down from mid-air,
Pulls back my hair and force feeds me the bricks
Of the path that she built us.
That a took apart to construct a self-devoted tower,
Naive and high enough,
To watch my friends petty plans transpire.
Preferring my own company has come back to haunt me,
A reluctant call of affection, attention that was justified,
When in fact I should have dropped to the floor and cried
For help, for an arm around my back.
Keeping me up in the great down.
Let the darkness surround until he strikes a last minute match
A plan he’s demonstrated far too much,
‘Cos now the match is on the touch paper,
After he held it so long
Anticipating this exact time
Not a minute later.
And it starts to rain.
The light won’t touch this part of him again,
We’re all the same when we can’t hold onto a flame.
He grips tighter as she let’s go, turns her back but he’s still got a hold. His white knuckles start to crack and his nails fade pale as the stitches of the coat unravel before him, the threads stream though the grip like a mist moving through trees. When did the tightest grip become one that let things slip, choking and stoking the flames on a bonfire of blame. He can’t help himself as he’s claws away, “can’t you see” she screams “this isn’t about you for once, this time its me” the thread cuts into his palm as he falls to his knees. She’s been walking on the edge of a cliff all her life, rocking from side to side in a leisurely stride until he built a fence on the ledge, he built her a path to pace and a home to grace. He was born in a home where you love with passion and let your thoughts be known, where respect is earned and nothing comes cheap. A good man but he was choking her and stoking the flames, with the best intent he forgot that you can’t control the born free, you can’t cage natures beauty when it isn’t even complete. So he shredded his thoughts and cast them to a breeze cos its best to forget or so he believed til he saw her again. Such an unfortunate set of circumstances that he was killing what he adored when he couldn’t see the pain cos he distorted all the reality and replaced it with perfection.
Guess its just that I choose happiness over me,
And in hindsight I never see,
That I’m one of the few who can sacrifice for the greater good,
Even though those I do it for never would.
its not even a sacrifice I make to gain something in return,
So I guess Its time I wisen up and learn.
I know they say that the grass is always greener,
But I forgot those words once I’d seen her.
but I keep tripping up on hope.
And it hurts to have a hand to hold
When I know I can do this alone.
Cos at the base, every turn I make shows a wall
So I’d rather risk the fall
Than let them devour, watching them hour by hour.
Crushing my chest to dust,
So I guess higher ground is a must.
Stop reaching out your hand with those palms that push me so lightly.
Cos I know you’ll just let me slip,
Look me straight in the eyes while you loosen your grip.
I never conceived a plan as to what’s at the higher ground,
But anythings better than the walls that surround.
And I’ll tackle the toughest face cos that’s what I do best.
Forever taking the hopeless choice,
And disregarding all the rest.
Guess its just that I choose happiness over me,
And in hindsight I never see,
That I’m one of the few who can sacrifice for the greater good,
Even though those I do it for never would.
its not even a sacrifice I make to gain something in return,
So I guess I need to wisen up and learn.
I know they say that the grass is greener,
But I forgot that phrase once I’d seen her.
And now I climb the steep ascent,
With a mentality that is hell-bent on reaching the peak.
I’m still tripping on hope and my knees are getting week.
But I’m more than determined to get there, I’d place your bets that I’ll be fine.
It just might take a good amount of time.
But what I never saw was a glaze in your eyes, a sweat from your pores,
The whole time I was sacrificing you were staring at foreign shores.
So from the words you’ve heard,
Here’s a few on which you can be reassured.
I’ve come to terms your exactly what I thought were not.
So if I never reach the summit, let my body rest on this face and rot.
Cos I’d rather be taken from the world by its harshest cold.
Than live never believing a word I’m told. Had writers block for a while now even though I have had a lot I wanted to get onto paper. Just been sat at the bus stop for half an hour so figured might aswel try and get it out. sorry if there is any spelling mistakes cos I have literally just written this straight into my phone on the tiniest screen/keypad. I haven’t had the chance to read through it yet, but it felt so good coming out.
You found my trust comes tough
I gave you little but realised
that was already far too much.
More than you deserve, more that you have ever earned.
Watched from the window, while you broke your word
said you’d be there for me, said you saw it it all how I see.
And I havent said this before but you made me feel stripped.
Stripped of all my worth.
I needed the time of day, from someone who guarenteed they could stay,
day by day and fight my demons away. I needed you to stay.
Its hard to be strong when you’re left wondering what went wrong.
Without any explanation.
Just guilt, For what feel likes an eternity long.
I can’t bear your fucking face anymore, just turn away.
The words you say burn my ears, tighten my jaw.
I’ve been exposed by you, the one thing I didnt expect.
Just cos you couldn’t keep your fucking mouth shut.
Just because someones trust is far to much for you.
You should question why you’re here,
because I’ve never met someone so utterly unworthy of the air they breathe.
You’ve shown your colours, you’ve shown your worth.
I should’ve seen in those eyes from that start.
You just wanted to watch my world burn.
Flames flicker in the eyes of those blinded by spite.
You’ve been Lying and you’ve been cheating.
til you got let in. Telling me the words I wanted to hear.
Telling me you were the one that would be there.
Disperse your hate elsewhere.
Please, just leave.
In return for how i’ve been made to feel, I dont ask for much.
I dont ask for your trust, but these are the most honest words
I think you’ll ever hear.
You no longer mean anything to me, you’re the last person I ever want to see.
You will never be a man I believe, you are no-one to me.
Just found this in the back of my notepad from 1st semester at uni (sept ‘11-Jan ‘12)
I didn’t enjoy those months at all.
you’re a waste of my time
and your own.
Still living a burnt out lie
you should of outgrown.
I know you won’t wanna hear it from me
but I sure know one day you’ll resent
The person you are and the years you’ve spent
being the man no-one wants to be.
Throwing your weight around isn’t smart
especially on ice as thin as yours.
You bring back all the memories I thought I’d erased
you’re the epitamy of my contempt.
Fucked up your hope for a second chance.
And as time passes you’ll start to note
no-one quite looks at you the same.
Your wife avoids your eyes and the kids dont call.
no-one looks at you the same,
cos the man you’ve become
Clouds your eyes with rage, guides them away in shame.
Judgement day and time wasn’t cheap
you see clear
Wish you could take it back
but that weight you threw
caused your ice to crack.
I know you wont wanna hear it from me.
But now you know that time aint cheap
you should of taken note of all the kids like me
who said theres a whole other life you could lead.
A whole different man you could be.
I can’t pretend to be who you want me to be
I can’t live a lie cos its what you want to believe
You just never meant that much to me.
Cos whenever I get close,
When I started falling first, falling most.
They left, they left it all on me
No words or explanation
Just a cowards departure.
And then I try and feel the same
Drowning myself in self-loathing and shame.
Left wondering how they could do such a thing
Are they so blinded by lust that they cannot see.
Cos I’m forcing emotion
And I’m lacking devotion
To the people I should be wanting
But I’ve left myself unknowing.
Then I realise that person is just like me.
Just another face in the crowd
Just empty words screamed out loud.
They had no arrow, we had no arrow
We had no North star.
No guidance to help find those, those who lead us home.
Those who bring us in from afar.
Give me guidance
Give me a North star
To guide me in from afar.
Cos I’m just another face in the crowd.
Just empty words, screamed out loud.
I’m not who you want me to be,
I’m sick of being forced to believe
That you were meant to mean so much to me.
forced in so much that you start to believe.
You beleive you don’t deserve to be here.
Repercussions set into motion. A domino effect,
impacting on everyone you’ve ever met.
Nature’s fine line of allowence is unevenly balanced.
Restoring equillibrium is challenging your though process
and your lack of meaning descends you further into abyss. Probs my favorite type of style to write in.
If its not what you wanted, then theres no need to stay.
Its an incovenience to hold onto something, already too far away.
but its not like I miss it, infact I despised it
and your abscense has made this as clear as day.
I’ve come to realise that I was too caught up.
Strung along for too long.
Hung around for too long,
I should of let you leave so much sooner.
Right when I saw it coming.
I’m a fighter but not for people like you,
not when you refuse to take my word
listening to cheap talk and going off shit you’ve heard.
I trust myself and made the mistake of trusting you,
You were in it for fun, I guess I always knew.
I’ve sobered up to the truth.
And god knows it hurts, but for what its worth,
I’m glad you’re gone and I’ll wish you the best
I just hope you think about me,
When you’ve fucked over all the rest.
I don’t care anymore.
I’ve lost time
For you, for him, for her.
I don’t care anymore.
If I thought of all the days I’d spent
caring of what others thought,
of how I looked in foreign eyes
I’m over it all and its the truth,
I’m going to live for myself,
and not be driven by lies.
Everyones caught up in webs weaved of words
of stories everyone else has already heard.
Just changing names and pointing blame,
Getting kicks off others pain,
next minute claiming higher ground.
You’re all the same.
I don’t care anymore.
My days got too much promise,
to take a risk on hearing what you have to say.
So with that in mind, keep yourself to yourself,
I’m walking my own way, I’m walking away.
Don’t drag me down with you.
I’d like to say now that I have my own choice,
and not one polluted by any one elses voice.
I can see real clear why I didn’t want to be here,
why I didn’t belong.
I have better things to do than waste my life, ruining others.
Keep your sharp tongue to yourself,
I don’t care anymore.
I’ve seen this place for what it is,
between the demons & the saints.
I am alone here but I’m not alone.
Let downs and lights out
my arms are growing tired
I can barely hold my own weight
& I’m trying so hard to see the light.
I’m so desperate to see the light
at the end of this tunnel.
I needed you, and you were never around.
I relied on you, and you let me down.
I gave you everything, and I’m left alone.
I gave you everything, my heart, my home.
There’s no fire with no spark,
No home with no heart.
So I’m leaving this city,
I’m leaving alone tonight.
I never thought I’d come and go,
I never thought I’d come and go,
I never thought I’d leave my home
In the blink of an eye.
But settling is hard,
when there’s no solid ground.
It’s crumbling around me,
and there’s no-one left.
There’s no one left to point the blame at,
There’s no one left but me.
There’s no one left now.
Just empty beds leave you thinking of things,
you never said.
The icy wind fills the air, burns your skin,
Writhes through your hair.
Its left you alone tonight, and it will do now,
For the rest of your life.
I’m here to prevent the departure.
I’m here to keep you on the right road home.
Now look in my eyes, and tell me this time will pass.
Tell me you’ll get by.
So just…
keep your head up and you’ll get by.
I know you still feel the rage burning away,
its the fire inside thats hardest to deny,
its the longing, for more, for better.
She’ll only bring you down.
She’ll leave your mind if you let her.
Sleepwalk yourself, bare feet through the buring flames.
Just don’t wake up, just don’t wake up one day
to another cold morning, to hear the same birds sing.
Stiff fingers cluth the key, another drag,
the frost on your lips, feel the first light sting.
Work now on weary eyes, from dawn to dusk.
put to waste, your diamonds are dulled.
For just afew more days they’ll light the way,
Until you give them away, to theives,
who stole the nights,and the days,
after nights, after days.
After your eyes are dead, and your palms are grey.
An epiphany, just when its too late
But you look in the mirror for him, he’s not there.
Thieves. Stop the tears from hitting the floor.
You can’t look no more, you cant leave, cos you’ve slammed shut every door.
Living locked away with all your mistakes now
and realising time is something you couldn’t cheat.
no choice, you’ll take the hard time and wait til deaths visit
when he gives you back, all the years of sleep.
You don’t have to be a poor man to see that time aint cheap. ‘Ferryman’s Fare’
